When I look back at my years at school, I can't say they were fun, nor exciting. I found my way of getting through this and I'll tell you how I managed to get through it in a second. But can you also believe me that even though I hated it, I had fun and "friends"?



 I am proud of the way I got through this even in the hardest times. A week before my exams we had to euthanize our dog, I saw the vet doing her thing, and I cried, oh how I cried... Then during the last week of my exams, our family got into a huge fight with our neighbours... The cops even came over... I mean come on, can a student these days not learn peacefully?

Anyway, I have my diploma, I graduate and I am so thankful that I did!

And I am flabbergasted, how did I manage to get through these exhausting days at school where it seemed that all my energy and wanderlust was taken away from me?
So I started looking back at my days. For some magical reasons I can recall mostly beautiful and good memories, but let me tell you, those are only a few. Mostly from last two years. This last year was definitely not easy but it was better than the years before and I started actually connecting with more people.
Nevertheless, I never felt really understood by my teachers. Nor supported. Finding friends wasn't easy and most of my time I remember myself hoping between different groups of friends.
But the funny thing is you'll start getting used to that.

So first I want to say to you, start appreciating the things you have instead of the things you haven't. I didn't have a solid group of friends but I knew that in art class I would be with "those" people and I started making a good time. Well I have to admit too that when I am tired I get weird, and I laugh at a lot of things, even the most stupid things, so art class was last period and it was always fun. The girl I was with ended up being the girl I got to with prom. Back then she was just a girl who was nice, now we are friends, and I like that.

Second of all, I want you to stay true to yourself. People know when you are trying too hard, and this will only give the opposite effect of what you want. I know a girl whom I think tries too hard to be special and different. She is passing the entire point of being different. Being different doesn't mean you should be outstanding and explicitly dressed, it just means that you are who you are. Let me explain this with an example: When you see someone who has a bohemian vibe but dresses like a street girl, I mean, it doesn't feel right... do you get me? Don't be that girl, find your style, your vibe and let it resonate with the person you are from within. This way you'll attract like-minded people into your life. It's freeing!

I think I said this one before, but please, please, please, love yourself. You are special in every way! There is only one person on this earth that is like you and you are unique! And let's be honest, the only person you'll have to live with your entire life is yourself, so why not just start, at least excepting that! It will make life so much more fun. And that way, you will start attracting people who see the greatest in you.

And my last one for today, don't be with the wrong kind of people. I think this was my biggest, biggest struggle. And even now, I still do regret not having done this before. A lot of people will never want you to succeed, they say they do, but behind your back, they will talk shit about you. I think that saying this you'll already have some people in mind. Get rid of them, unfriend them, remove them from your phone and let them live their life. Their energy will only bring you down, and you'll lose yourself because of them. Please don't let this happen. Stay true to yourself and your beliefs.

Ah, love, I think I have been avoiding this topic since the moment I started this blog. It's such a personal thing that it makes it really scary to talk about ... Because I never really had much luck in love... and I am about to open about it...



Love, ah, old painful love. It's weird because as soon as we start talking about love we think about couples and relations, lovebirds although love is something you can feel for you mom, your dad, your sister, brother, friends... but I too am talking about the relationship love. It's really scary to open up about this... as said before I really never had much luck in love. Let us wind a little back into my past, shall we?

We are going to start with my first ever crush, I was 8 or 10 at that time, still living in France. There was this guy, he was funny, cute, well you know all the things you care about when you are young. I really, really liked that guy. One day another girl started liking him too, she gave him a paper that if he had to chose between me and her who would he choose... and he chose her... and I felt so sad, I think it was around that time that I became really boy-shy...
Even until now I still think about him, I still love him, not in the same way, but when I see him again, I do feel it again... but he became such a jerk...
The entire school year in France I did like him, I never quite got over him... when I got bullied they (he and his friend)  stayed on my side and I can not thank them enough for it, but the last year I got really close with him, he became sort of my best friend, I started liking him more, I guess that I just made it up that we were best friends because in his eyes I probably was, but in my eyes he was my crush... I never told him I like him because he always dated every year, sometimes after 6 months another girl, I just didn't want to be "one" of them... from this day I made a promise, that I would never cry over a guy...or over love.

Moving forward, after we moved to The Netherlands in my first year I met a guy, out of nowhere actually, I saw him sometimes walking around school and though he was cute, then I gathered all my courage and send him a friend request on Facebook... and he accepted it, but it did not just stop there! He started talking to me, and it became more. The thing was, he just broke up with his cheating girlfriend and didn't want a relation... and he tried to kiss me once, or at least I think he did, but I avoided it, my excuse was really awkward... I said, "You were standing on my toes hih"... I know... awkward, I mean I am a shy girl who never kissed a guy before so... yeah... I was really anxious about it... what did you expect?! xP
He always told me when he was drunk that he loved me and I didn't know what to do because I knew he was drunk... it never really became something between us. Once my sister asked him why he never asked me out or something and he said he never loved me and that he was sorry that he made me believe he was...

And then... my last and most recent experience... I still don't want to admit that there is a chance that I love him... and it's really easy for me to talk about it but not to write. When I write my feelings get way deeper than when I am talking... this is harder than expected... okay, here we go. I met this guy at a hobby I had outside of school, in the beginning, I had a major crush on him, I remember loving the way he walked and the way he dressed, haha, his personality was funny and I guess I always fall in love with boys who are funny but also can be serious when needed. The more I got to learn who he was he told me he had a girlfriend and that gave me such a releasing feeling, you just don't wanna know, from that moment he became just a good friend, for real! I had absolutely no feelings for him anymore. He always brought me home and I remember that he told me about his girlfriend and the struggle he was facing... He told me that he never told those things to anyone before. I admitted at that moment that I never kissed a guy before and that nobody knew about this. A few months later he broke up with her. We started performing and I started feeling more than what I normally feel. I ignored it because I knew that he didn't want a relationship and I accepted it. I wanted to keep our relation as best friends intact. At the end of the performances, my best girlfriend told me she likes him, a lot. Those evenings with him were magically beautiful, stargazing for super long, talking, laughing... the last evening we were looking at the moon together, talking about the way we felt actually for each other and decided to just stay friend... Maybe I should've never told him I never kissed someone before or we would probably have kissed ( I remember he asked me it that evening too). After performing we biked a lot together to school,at the last reunion I couldn't be there and that same evening my best friend and best girlfriend kissed... straight away the next day he told it, I didn't know why he told me it, he said he felt like he needed to tell me, in some way I appreciate it, on the other side... I feel so bad. It hit me hard, harder than expected.

For me, love has been a mysterious thing, I know how it feels, but I've never experienced it myself. For some reason, I tend to be really careful at this specific topic. Some days I blame myself for not kissing or telling one of them that I liked them a lot, some days I know that this just wasn't meant to be. I know background stories that give me the feeling like it's best not to be the girl who he kissed, but even then, after knowing this, I have my ups and down.
I am 18 and I have never kissed or dated a guy. And it might seem for a lot of us girls/ guys a this ages unusual because all we see is our friend having a relationship. But let's remember that we are unique, people like us are unique and you can't find them easily (funny, the first guy said this two years ago to me).

Writing this blog has been a tough process, it made me cry and laugh... and I hope that in the end, the end made you feel a little better because we I know that you are not the only one who never kissed, some people at the age of 22 never kissed before.

People often think that to have fun you need to go outside and explore the world and see friends and have fun at attraction park, carnival or try new things with good friends, but staying at home is mostly seen as something boring, I am going to show you that that is not true!

Most of my current holiday I spend working, but this makes me, even more, realize that being home is actually a lot of fun! I enjoy being at home. This is what I do to have an epic home time during the holiday!

• Having a catwalk. Okay, this may sound odd but having to clutter out your wardrobe for summer is not always fun, so let's make it fun! Have a catwalk, alone or with your sister/friend. I do this alone because then I stay close to what my style is and with some upbeat tempo...
• Playing like I am a superstar. I may maybe almost be 18 but that doesn't mean I can't be a child when I want to! Being a child is what keep us young! 
• Learn something you always wanted to learn
• Make fun videos, edit them for yourself, re-watch them and ...
• invite some friend to do all the things above and make also a video and have a giggle looking at it.
• Netflix and Chill... Can you relate? I can't but I know that some days it nice to have a YouTube/Netflix and chill.
• Get artsy, and most people misunderstand me because they think you need to have the talent to get artsy, but you don't! I often draw something totally out of the norm and I like the process of doing.
• Have a Spa day.

I don't really know what else, let me know what you like to do when you are at home but still want to have an awesome day! Comment below or let's get in touch via Twitter of Instagram! My Instagram changed, by the way, I decided to make an official one for my blog! Let's have a chat there!

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For the summer I didn't want to be bored, and I also wanted to try something new. I was praying for a summer job... Everyday. Then I was in an internship at Rituals... and some way or another I got the honor to work there.

I Love Summer Holidays! They are the best, although winter holidays are also the best... I think I like all holidays... Anyway... It is the perfect moment to do something other than school related, try new things, go on an adventure, So here are some activities to get started with!

                     

You don't survive a week with no WiFi, but you are finally discovering the real world my friend. I used to think (like a lot of people) that there is nothing else to do without wifi, but trust me, there is! You only have to find it!

First time I went to the little house of my mother and I realized I had no WiFi I got crazy, but Lucky me, I had my Phone and my laptop. Until I realized I got bored by both things because I had no internet connections. I was bored, and felt bad. At that moment I realized that we (humans) are to connected to the internet, social media and all that stuff that we don't see the beauty of life anymore.

I am not gonna change the title but these are the things you actually can do without WiFi:

- Enjoying the sunset (at have deep conversation with friends of familly)
- Reading a book
- Drawing (even if you suck, as long as you enjoy it, Do It!)
- Writing a story (and then draw something for the story)
- Find out how the DSLR from your mom works
- Take photos
- Get yourself all beautiful
- Let someone take pictures of you
- Write down your feelings
- Go hiking
- Or just have a walk
- Make from old stuff new beautiful stuff

But seriously people, if you are bored, just be bored, accept it, relax, do so meditation perhaps and just enjoy the fact you are bored.

For me writing something, like a story or in my diary gives me the creativity to do something else next. I hope this helped you!

Let me know in the comments below what you do when you have no WiFi