Dealing With Haters! | Back to school #3

At school, you are with friends, some girls start talking to one of your friends, you're looking at them, not even thinking or judging them, and they start getting mad at you. Nothing worse than that... it's scary, your heart starts pumping and the only thing you are thinking is "How the hell am I going to deal with this?!"

Hello guys!!! So, I know I know, Long time ago but hehe a new back to school post,super long time ago! Recently just something happened to me and I just wanted to share it with you. It was a confronting moment and at the same time a very special moment for me. As you all know I have been bullied in my past, and there is obviously nothing worse than coming home every day and crying. I never knew how to defend myself even though my sister did teach me but I couldn't. I was so insecure, push down by all these people, I just couldn't stand up for myself. It took me a very long time to get my self-confidence back and after I moved to the Netherlands I was even more insecure. I didn't want to get bullied again, so I started adjusting myself. Losing myself in the person people wanted me to be. After that first year, I learned what anxiety attacks were and I remember myself promising to never ever stop trying to find back the person I am truly from the inside. And Then something happened last time at school... And it made me realize that I am finally starting to be myself again, so it was obviously a very bad thing that happened in my beliefs but I am so proud of the way I did deal with it that it doesn't even feel like a bad thing anymore. Let me tell you what happened!

So I was just standing by some friends of mine and a lot of time there a people I don't even know. I don't mind, if they talk to me, I'll just have a conversation with them, if not, I let them do their thing. So two girls walked by, as usual, I just look at them and go on with my life. I don't know them anyway. Then these two girls started talking to a girl in our group that I don't know. I saw them analyzing me, in the most bitchy way, from head to toe, my reaction to that is usually just looking back. Then I was just looking at the face of one of those girls who was analyzing me, just thinking about her makeup, looking how she did it, if she was wearing foundation, you know, just the typical "Dreamy"me who thinks about beauty. I wasn't judging her, I wasn't even caring about her in person. And the she said to me "Can you see it well?!" With the most bitchy undertone, I have ever heard someone spoke to me. Not even thinking I said to her "Well can you see it well?!". I tried to have the most neutral tone as possible (which is kind of hard because when someone is talking to me like that I tempt to get the same tone as them). Imagine the Latina girls in movies, you know the way they move when they are pissed of and they talk to the person they are pissed off too, well, she did exactly that move to me saying "What?!", so I replied "I am not blind, I saw you, girls, looking at me." she said "Yeah, well that's because you were looking at us!". From there I don't remember much except that I didn't want to end this in a fight so I ended the conversation and  said "Whatever!", then see said whatever to because I bet you she didn't knew what to say back. Then another girl in my group started asking her why she was searching for a fight again, actually, thinking back about it, she stood up for me, even though I don't know her. I really think that was super nice of her.

Two years ago, I wouldn't even dare to say something back to her, because I would be so insecure that nothing would come out of my mouth. But somehow I felt so confident I said something back! For me, this was an affirmation that I am finally starting to being myself again. I have struggled with my confidence for years, and since I moved to the Netherlands I didn't really had any friends nor enemies. It feels weird to know that you don't really have friend nor enemies at school. Your just an invisible person, in fact, you walk with everybody and nobody. I learned to live my school life like that. That is also a thing, accepting yourself, your life, you feeling. But I'll talk about that later.

But how do you learn to deal with haters?
It takes time, that for sure, but you can learn it!

* First, you need to stand above them. Well not like in height, more in matters. You literally need to show them you don't give a F. about what they think about you. Fake this. there is no other way. If you show them you are weak and that you are a cry baby (I Love that song from Melanie Martinez by the way), I am a crybaby F.Y.I , but if you show it to them they will obviously think you are weak and they are going to continue. Show them you are worth better than hating!

* Always be nice, like Demi Lovato said: "kill'em with kindness". They hate people who don't start fighting back. Just stay true to the truth, don't say nasty things about them and always keep the very truth, the way it really went in mind! Don't ever make things up. 

* be the one who ends the conversation. For example, I said "Whatever" To that girl. I ended it. It shows that you have this conversation at hand and not the other one. If the other one doesn't stop just walked away. They may say you are weak but as a matter of fact, they only feel weak because they couldn't stand up to you. 

~Joëlle~