rose quartz crystal

After I decided to separate from my husband, I found a lovely little house in a small village with a small garden. It was a place where I could be in my own energy to find out what I wanted to do with my life from this moment on. There was no husband any more, the children had become grown-ups and could take care of themselves. There were no horses anymore, no big household to run, no other obligations that for 30 years dictated my life.

You could say the moment to celebrate freedom was there. But although I did not suffer severely from “an empty nest” like most women of my age do, there was definitely something missing in my life. Something essential.

No one has been born to stay alone. We all need people from time to time. At least to know and see from time to time that there is still a world outside our own.

But there is another thing: we are women. And women are made to (take) care, to be bothered, to comfort, to organize, to share, to commit, to love.

May be you do not want to admit it and feel very much happy on your own, but I can tell you by own experience: this never lasts or there is this slight restless feeling hidden deep inside you that knows better.

Never mind, I became soon very much aware of that empty spot in my life and in spite of all the books that speak of loving yourself first – which I do very much – and first be able to live with yourself before sharing it with someone else (which I do too: I live alone (with my dog) and I do appreciate my freedom very much), there is this longing for sharing everything I think worthwhile with somebody I can love with heart and soul.

I am not the kind of woman to put my face on the internet to try to find some one that will fit into my life. I am fonder of life in real, to observe what appears on your path, what people do you meet in the flesh instead of trying to judge an impression of a photo from somebody you cannot feel or smell at the first place.

At the time my marriage already showed a couple of cracks, I fell deeply in love with our vet at that time. It is because of this experience that I know now how much I can love someone and how it feels. Unfortunately he already had a relation with someone else and although he was far from happy, he was too faithful a man to leave her.

After that I had another nice date with a man I already knew a couple of years but he appreciates his single life too much to change this. And besides that, he is a bit afraid of what may be the consequences of being in a relation again.

There were moments I began to doubt myself, taking some things personal: didn’t I look beautiful enough, was I really getting too old for a man of my kind (mind well: I am not the kind of woman to be satisfied with all those grey and lifeless men that sit in front of the tv every evening with a pint of beer and do not want to invest in life that is worth celebrating), did I came too close to talk about personal things?

But of course, it is none of those things. I am absolutely good enough: for the right man!!

And that is the whole point: to find the right man that fits in my life takes time. They do not show up every day. We have to find them on our way through life.

And it was at the moment that I desperately wandered if I would ever meet a man like that, that I was working in my little garden and that I found a very big stone that appeared to be Rose Quartz crystal and it was like the universe wanted to tell me not to give up on love and keep courage to go on and find it one day.

How difficult life may be sometimes, during the darkest moment we receive a sign to encourage us … if we stay open for it.

I have not yet met the man that is going to be the perfect one for me, but I will keep my eyes open and rely on the gift the universe gave me.

I know one day he will be there, for me.

Love, Esmeralda