THE MONTHLY JOURNAL #2: Eating healthy; Thoughts on friends; H.S.P.

Welcome back to a new episode of THE MONTHLY JOURNAL. I was surprised that kind of a lot of people read it. Thank you if you were one! Also, don't forget to comment below any advises you may have on any of the following topics! That's what this series is al about! Helping each others!

In this episode we are going to talk about something that I have tried to keep up with, eating healthy with a group of friends, my thought on the feelings that I have with my current "Friends", and what it is like to be a High Sensitive Person.

Soooo, eating healthy .... Wow... People said I was dieting... HELL NO! I promised myself never to do diets. By eating healthy, I am not restricting myself to any calorie standard or eating less than I would normally do. I ate a much as I used to, but more consciously. For example, after I come home from school I usually directly go to the cookie pot and take one, no, not this time, this time, I prepared myself a tea with honey instead of Sugar and a healthy biscuit. The only thing I tried was not snacking after my evening meal. After dinner, we have a drinking time, but then I usually go and take chocolate milk, now, I choose tea or water. Now I have to admit, I didn't eat healthy the whole month, on Friday I accepted to eat a small amount of Doritos, but very soon I noticed that my body doesn't really love having a whole bag of Doritos in one evening, so I take a little bowl and that is enough now.
Unfortunately, I had a moment I was mentally so disoriented that I felt very sick, I couldn't eat anything... luckily this only was two days in a row and then slowly everything went back to normal. I believe that a month eating healthy is not to slim down or anything, it's just a way of being more mindful about what you eat. I haven't lost a kg but I can see that my body looks more healthy. So I know that I didn't eat the heathiest, but so what?! Nobody can directly eat healthy right away, it takes time and mental practice.

Talking about doing this with friends, the friends I did it with... I don't know, I though we would support each other, help each other out and all that jazz... but we barely talked. When I think of eating healthy for a month with friends I would say "Okay girl, let's motivate each other, let's help each other and let's have fun doing this!" But as soon as it started, we barely talked...
Another time, I was very unstable, mental and physical, I told a "good" friend, and first she stayed, wich I really appreciated, but then some friends came to her and she said to me that she would be back in a view minutes, after 20 minutes she was back, but didn't tell me where they were... I saw them... Of course, I got a bit disappointed... that they didn't even come to me to say where the were... I mean, come on! No offence, I mean I can laugh a lot with her, but I Always feel so alone and forgotten with friends. Maybe I should get used to the fact that I will probably Always feel like that. I will have to learn to have fun on my own, go out on my own, a love being with myself in the first place...

I have known this for quite a while now (that I am a High sensitive person, people keep on telling me I am) , and as much as I try to deal with it, some day I can't handle it and every emotion of people that I love will hit me, will hit my feeling, and I would feel as if those feelings are mine but they aren't . Some people around me don't really know what they want, in life, or in general, I was fine not knowing what I wanted yet, but since other peoples around me got that feeling too I have that feeling more than before. Lately, someone I love got in a sad mood, and with the bad weather it reflected on me as well. Bad weather is such a thing that makes people even sadder than they already are. Including me. I can feel very quickly if someone is in a bad mood, or if that person is someone you actually can't rely on or someone you can't trust, or if it is someone who easily get stressed, or if it is someone that is bad for me. I protect myself by closing myself from the external world. I don't hear them anymore and don't really see them. It's a sort of bubble I put myself in. Some day's that bubble is very strong and I can handle everything, some other day's it's weak and every emotion will be able to affect me. Once it affects me, I can be in that situation for day's, even weeks. It really takes a lot of mindful practices to get me out of it. Luckily, I have reached a point now where after less than a week I can snap myself out of it.