Hello, my dear old friend,

I know I haven't written to you in a while... I've wanted to, but never really had the chance.
I miss you, I really do.
You always give me the greatest insight, even tho most of the time... I forget them.

I have a dog now, and I have been working even harder on my mental health. Last year really was bad. I still sometimes feel anxious at the idea of how depressed I actually was. It was not smart of me not to get help, especially after everything that had been going on, but I am here now.

My sister started her business in France, it's called Triquetra. the stables are already fully booked and she works a lot! I am so proud of her.
I started working as a photographer, I really want to get work as a content creator, but I haven't achieved much yet... And I started an Etsy shop, I still need to do a lot to make that work but I am determined to have sold some products by the end of the year.

I must admit that 2018 hasn't been that miraculous to me, but I do wonder how your year is going, so please write me!

I will be writing a lot more, I really want to end this year well.

That being said, I am also taking my Instagram more serious. Check it out, it's @Christel.Joëlle 

Warm hugs,
Christel Joëlle

Do you remember me writing a post about being lonely and that you should live your feelings? You can read it here if you haven't. I wanted to explain to you why it is so important to live them and not to hide them.

We all have problems at a certain moment of our life, and we all have our own way of dealing with it. The most common thing is to hide the feelings we have and cry at night, this way you are tough. What most people don't realize is that when they keep feelings away from others [don't express them]  and don't talk about it, it will probably never go away.
When I wrote the article linked above I felt like crap, I wished I didn't feel like that because it was stupid, and I didn't want to talk about it because it was stupid. I wanted to tell it to my mother but she was busy and I didn't want to interupt her with my stupid feelings so I sat by her and didn't say a thing. I knew she knew I wasn't going well but I couldn't open my mouth. When my sister came along my mom told her I was in a bad mood, but I didn't want my sister to know it because sometimes she can just react as if I am really Stupid. So I got mad and told them there was nothing wrong, I walked away. Just a little later my mom came to me and asked what was going on, and I told her it was something stupid and that she didn't need to know. In the end I told her and it gave me a very good feeling, releaved. I also told her why I didn't want my sister to know it and she understood me.

Mind and body are connected in many ways, maybe you think this is totally nuts, but I believe it. For exemple, when you feel sick in class, and you're bored. It may come because you are bored, you want to go home, pretend to be sick, but because your mind think you are feeling sick, you do feel like you are sick but in reality, it's just your thoughts. I've had this a lot... Or am I the only one?
The thing is that when you walk your entire life with that feeling (frustration, anger, injustice ...) you can't process it, this causes illness, and can lead to very bad sickness like cancer (no I am not exagerating), This feeling will be a part of your body, and that is a bactery than can't be removed only if you give it a place. When you talk to someone about it, you give it at the same time a place (it made you stronger for exemple) and at that moment it isn't part of you body anymore.

I hope I explained it clearly...
If you stuck with me to the end, congratulations :)
How do you deal with your emotions?
x- Joëlle

I told my mom that the only thing I wanted to have was a friend who understood me, someone I could call and the same evening go to a coffeehouse and go to a theater and just enjoy the simple little things. Then my mom said she was searching for that one person too, but she figured out it would probably never (or at least not soon) come so she decided to be happy with herself and the horses and the dog.

I wonder how you can live without any friend although this is what I am doing for over two years now and I survived. I still don't have a friend. I wonder if I will ever find that one friend that would really understand me, but I guess not.

I still believe in the human race only not as much as I used to. I've been let down, I've been hurt, I've been bullied and every time I think that this one could be the friend I was hoping for, they let me down, they let me fall and forget me like I was just another piece of the puzzle that didn't belong there.

So some days I feel really bad and I cry and every time it happens, I look at the clouds and remember myself I have my lovely girl Valentine, even if she is just a horse (this is what most people think, I guess) But to me she is more, I can tell her everything without her judging me or letting me down. She is like my mirror, when I am not myself she sees it and make me realize it. Not do I only remember I have her but also that it's okay to cry. Crying is not a sign of failure, it shows that you have been strong and maybe just a little too long. It will get better, because if life is not all right now, it's not the end of your life! And there are so many thing going to happen that you would not want to miss.
Let the energy flow and just cry, accept your feeling, don't run for it.Just breathe good, fresh air in and bad, old air out.