"Never before has a generation so diligently recorded themselves accomplishing so little." - Unknown - 

My fight with social media actually started the moment I put myself on there. A world that was too beautiful to be true from the very beginning. People sharing their 'Highlights' of life. As time continued, more people didn't only show their Highlights but also their struggles. But with all the beautiful movements (Anxiety; #Meetoo ... etc) it became a place where people show themselves off. Not necessarily always in a positive way.

Unconsciously my mind absorbed it all like a sponge desperate for water. It became an addiction, not only social media but my smartphone itself became an addiction. I catch myself looking at my phone, autotuned to look at it every hour. The urge for something, deep inside of me that is...? Afraid to miss out?

When I started becoming more mindful of my life on my phone a year ago I decided to cut it down. A path with so much resistance was and still is ahead of me. Questions rushing and collapsing in my mind driving me slowly mad. How can something so insignificant take over one person's life? Missing out on the beautiful life that is here, in our present time?

Deciding to officially delete my two Instagram accounts was like removing a piece of my soul. It felt as though I was deleting what I considered my identity. THE PLACE where I not only shared my creativity but also who I was, defining myself by the way I portrait myself on this platform. 'This is who I am'.
My mind is constantly thinking about making a new account. About new content. About all the people around the world that I would like to follow because... Because... they inspire me? Because I think that their lives are more interesting than mine? Because their photos are so on point? But in the meantime, unknowingly, I started thinking unwell of my own self.

Two and a half weeks ago I took the leap and cut out Instagram. And it already has been life-changing. I suddenly realized the importance of staring and not doing anything besides looking outside. I started creating again. Content that just came up in my mind without the need of inspiration from an online platform. That gave me confidence and great joy. While I am in France nature became more and more my playground again. Childish feelings and emotions having a place to outburst again and come to action.

Needless to say everyday my mind still thinks about picking up my phone without a reason. It thinks about the people I want to follow, but also what the best way is to keep myself safe. And these are questions I don't have real answers too. I love Instagram, Pinterest, and YouTube but I feel like I am afraid. Because in a day I will go back to the Netherland. A world that is filled with materialism, distraction, and no real beautiful nature. That my being can't resist it.

For now, I will keep going, like Mark Manson say's "Even when we think we know what we are doing we actually never know what we are doing". I will keep doing yoga, meditations and not being on social media. Literally just going with the flow. Letting everything happen at its own pace and see where it brings me in a year. Not controlling over life. A journey on Finding what feels good.

With Lot's of love and light,
Christel Joëlle

Ps: I am just talking from my perspective. Just in my case, as I am an H.S.P I take everything in like a sponge. If I don't use it wisely I feel like I am becoming mad. But it's not all negative. It has so much positive and amazing features! Connecting worldwide! Amazing ways to get inspired, it is even an amzing place to learn so much! Just for me, at this time, I need a break.